You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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