I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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