wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They are going to name an STD after you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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