Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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