I puked a lego.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
