Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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