I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
