you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I smell like Dick and happiness
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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