your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
