i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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