maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
