Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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