i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
