Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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