there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
