that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
