So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
In America we eat man semen.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
