M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
