either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
