Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
