I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
