I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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