So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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