Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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