i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
