it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
