TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
