i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
