You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
True strength comes from lack of pants
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
