Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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