Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pants are for mortals
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
