was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
