Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
