so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
