I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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