Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
