Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
