shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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