escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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