one might say we're banned from that church
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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