I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
