i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
