She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize