i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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