I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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