i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
