We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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