My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
