my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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