I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize