This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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