no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
