it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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