she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
