So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Fuck appropriateness.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
