Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
