the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
