I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
