I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
