Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
