JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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