He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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